Filosofi Hidup Menurut Iwa K (Menurut Saya)

November 1, 2013 § 4 Comments

Diketahui:

Saya obsesi sama Abang Jay-Z, dan lirik Abang Jay-Z sangat applicable buat yang lagi patah hati (silahkan tengok posting “The Jay-Z Philosophy of Breaking Up”.) Siapa ekuivalen dari Abang Jay-Z di Indonesia?

Yang bilang Rayi nya Ran, silahkan tempel plester di kupingnya – soalnya true story ini, ada yang nyeletuk “Rayi RAN!” No offense… tapi kalo ada yang take offense, berarti yah, some offense lah yah.

Menurut saya, siapa lagi kalo bukan Iwa K. Dia itu rapper super legendaris yang mempengaruhi banyak aspek pada kehidupan remaja dan remaja tua di tahun 90an. Mulai dari aspek baju gedombrongan, topi kupluk, cara ngomong, cara nyengir, cara jalan, cara ketawa, cara menyusun kata, sampe betapa booming nya acara api unggun di pantai.

Yang mau tempel plester ke kuping dan mata gue silahkan aja; tapi abis gue pake earphone dan pasang Dong Nombok Dong di kuping gue. Ngerti?!

Pertanyaan:

Berarti bisa juga dong liriknya Iwa K diaplikasiin ke kehidupan kayak Jay-Z?

Jawab:

Bisa.

Skenario 1: Lagi merasa super gemuk dan gak enak badan. Kayaknya mau dapet (kalo cewek), atau kalo cowok kayaknya kebanyakan makan kolesterol

Kata Iwa K: “Memang, memang benar kawan, kita perlu cooling down dan melonggarkan pakaian.”

Translation: Treadmill nya di cool down aja, mending bajunya di tailor

Skenario 2: Lagi hari-hari akhir bulan, tapi temen nggak mau minjemin uang. Gimana caranya buat temen tersentuh biar dikasih duit pinjeman?

Kata Iwa K: “Apakah kita kan slalu bersama-sama kawan? Apakah kita kan slalu berjalan beriringan?”

Translation: pura-pura baik dan nostalgik biar dia kasian

Skenario 3: Temen minta dipinjemin duit.

Kata Iwa K: “Dong, nombok dong, nombok dong…”

Translation: Jangan mau

Skenario 4: Kayaknya cewek ini ngeduain gue deh

Kata Iwa K: “Jangan mau terlalu lama dipermainkan, cepat! Cepat!”

Translation: Kalo bego sebentar aja, kalo kelamaan nanti jadi gak macho, nggak kayak Iwa K.

Skenario 5: Mau berangkat buat bergaul nih, Bang Iwa K. Enaknya jam berapa ya?

Kata Iwa K: Jam delapan lewat lima menit sudah waktu yang sangat tepat tuk keluar dari rumah

Translation: Jam 21:30

Udah ya.

Seriously, Iwa K needs to have a comeback so that all those guys can go back to playing basketball as opposed to dancing like a little girl in pigtails.

Siapa lagi sih yang bisa nyanyi “dididididam, dididum dagadagadaga digidum digidum” atau “gom kidigom kidikidi gom gom gom” atau “sama oo-oo’ nya…” dan masih keliatan macho?

Iwa K.

Salam topi kupluk dan cap kebalik,

Asik, asik, asik,

NADO aka BATMAN KASARUNG

How to Understand Mumbo Jumbo Marketing Jargon in Easy Pop Culture Analogies

September 20, 2013 § Leave a comment

Recently I just got a new job which requires me to learn about marketing.

You see, my boss is this genius marketing guy and I really need to keep up with him. Whenever we had discussions he would start saying these marketing jargons which I could vaguely understand. I would have this “What? I don’t know.” look all over my face.

So I decided to make a list of marketing mumbo jumbos and relate it to poop (pop, but typo is staying) culture analogies.

Co Branding

Okay, so simple enough, co branding “is when two companies form an alliance to work together”. An example in pop culture is when two celebrities date each other or have a “featuring” thingy. It could lead great possibilities like Jay Z and JT, where both open up a whole new audience for the other person. JT got his street cred, appealing to RnB and Hip Hop fans; and thanks to JT, Jay Z got a whole new target audience in the form of middle aged former Nsync fans. Yay!! (?) for both. 

USP

Or “Unique Selling Point”. Or Competitive advantage; something you have that other competitors don’t. Once you have that; you’re set, so maintain that value. That’s why I was so very disappointed by Enrique Iglesias. No one else had that mole, and then you remove it? Why Enrique? Be like Lady Gaga… she would never think to surgically remove her crazy. Tom Cruise for example has no competish because no one else is that short (well, Seth Green is for a totally different audience.) But pay attention to when Tom Cruise started buying heeled shoes… when Dan Radcliffe finished his HP movies. Yup, think about that. What? I don’t know.

Target Market

According to Wiki “is a group of customers that the business has decided to aim its marketing efforts and ultimately its merchandise towards.” You could have a “niche” target market where you only target one segment of the whole population. One example of this is Mr Leonardo Dicaprio; whose has an exlusive niche market in the form of Victoria Secret models. But… you could also design your product so that you can set the net wider (or the bar lower) and capture various segments. One example of this is Taylor Swift; from a boybander, a tortured artist, a sleazebag, your next door neighbor, your brother, MAYBE EVEN YOUR FATHER. She appeals to every segment. BRAVA Taylor. BRAVA. Send me your tips. 

So, as they say in marketing.. go fishing where the fish swim; and be super quiet about it because fishies are sensitive. What? Again, I don’t know. I really don’t.

Xs and Os,

NADO 

*The first definitions were taken from Wikipedia, or as we all know it, “the mother of all knowledge”.

Scooby Don’t – the Time I Thought I Saw a Ghost But Really Actually Didn’t

August 26, 2013 § 1 Comment

I promised my sister I would make a new blog post when I think of something so here goes.

I was having this conversation with one of my best friends really late at night, and as per usual whenever it gets darker you just somehow move on to scary stories.

She told me she gets scared talking about ghosts and always get paranoid every time. So I told her that sometimes things aren’t always what they seem; like putting red beans on some St*rbuck frappe… Looks cute and yummy but turned out to be a waste of several thousands of rupiahs. Correction, tens of thousands of Rupiahs (sounds dramatic but look at the currency… yeap) because you ended up throwing the whole cup.

I often mistaken real people for ghosts. Maybe it’s their sickly complexion, maybe I accidently glanced at a mirror, or maybe they just simply are trying to scare the people around them (google Limbad.)

So here comes the list:

1. The Time I Saw a Flying Head Outside My Balcony   

If you read my old post about trying to conquer my fear of ghosts, you would know that I once thought I saw a flying head outside the balcony of my room. I freaked out but it turns out it was just a rat speeding across my balcony; a very VERY hairy rat which made my friend  asked “angora rat? CUTE ALERT” While I on the other hand was thinking how much damage it would do to its living room couch whenever it goes for a stroll in the gutter. Yech. Wife/Husband must be furious.

2. The Time I Saw Pocong

If you don’t know what pocong is, it’s those guling looking ghosts. That helped right?

So I went to this place called Gunung Kidul with several of my friends. And when we were going back to our motel we drove across this country road; which was super dark. I was talking with one of my friend; we were sitting on the backseat, when he suddenly said “Dir, Dir, look to your right, man!” And so I looked. There it was, a POCONG just standing at the right side of our car, and I screamed so loud our other friend woke up. But my friend who pointed out the pocong just laughed, he was like “what’s wrong with you?”

Turns out it was not a pocong. It was a middle aged lady wearing full body white mukena walking towards the mosque. CHANGE AT THE MOSQUE NEXT TIME, LADY!!

3. Another Floating Head

I was on a holiday with 10 of my friends, and we went to this island called Hope Island. So, Hope Island is near another, bigger island, called Coconut Island. They were only separated by 200m; and the smart people of Hope-Coconut Islands decided to make a bridge between them so that we can go back and forth across the two islands. But… I think they forgot to install some light fixtures on the bridge; or maybe forgot to pay their electric bills because when we crossed the bridge at 7PM that night; it was pitch black.

Already we were feeling claustrophobic because if a serial killer or a demon show up we would have no choice but to jump into the water (because for sure they can teleport to the other end if we run the opposite direction) and hope that neither serial killer/demon can swim.

When we were right in the middle of the bridge, my best friend nudged me and said “Dir, Dir, look to my left” –> This SH*T always get me, huh?

There it was. A floating head!! I screamed super loud and passed all of my friends, running to the front of the group (so much for solidarity.) My best friend was confused but she ran right next to me, all the while screaming:

“What gives Dir?” “Floating Headdd” “What? Where?”

That’s when I knew something was off, so I told her, “you were the one who pointed me to it” She laughed, and stopped me.

Turns out it was this guy, in the middle of all the darkness, texting. With his phone right under his nose; so the phone light was only shining on his face. Floating head.

Xs and Os,

NADO

The Annoying People You Meet on Airplanes

June 11, 2013 § 4 Comments

Image

Image via http://aviationhumor.net/you-think-youre-funny/#

Hey,

I have always liked traveling. And to be honest; nowadays when you travel, you take airplanes even though it’s only 200 KM away (really; I know people who take the plane from Jakarta to freaking Bandung which is only about two games of hop scotches away).

Well, I’m not that extreme; but I have had my share of airplane rides. During my stay overseas for my BSc and these past few months for work (free tickets are the best!).Have you been on one of Garuda’s new planes? They have that touch screen TV for every seat and you can actually see the latest movies, music etc which is the best really (FYI I don’t work for Garuda).

But; sadly every up has their downs. Every Jonases have their Kevin. Every family has their own version of me. Every Adam has his Eve (heaven was a done deal; is apple really that tempting?) and every Justin must bear the fact that at the mention of their name people will irk a little on the count that it reminds them of a person who wears drop crotch pants and sunnies indoor.

I’ll give for instances:

The Leg Shaker

You know those guys who goes out during lunchtime to have a smoke and coffee? They usually shake their legs. And then they get on the plane and shake their legs too. I have the privilege of sitting in front of one once. I thought the pilot was having a bad day and decided to go through turbulence the whole flight just so everyone can have a bad day too; but turns out it was just the guy behind me. Thanks Shaky.

The Really Tall Guy

I won’t blame you R.T.G., but it was just so weird when my hand mistaken your leg for an arm rest. Sorry.

The Auntie Who Brought 7 Carry On Luggage

She goes inside the plane nonchalantly and when the stewardess asked her to put it in baggage she refused, and threatened to make a scene if doesn’t allow it. Ms Stewardess finally gave up and said whatever. So Ms Auntie scrunched up 3 bags in the overhead above her, 1 in the overhead in front of her seat, 2 in her leg compartment and the other 1 she stuffed in the leg compartment of the person next to her (me). It felt like my 3 year old nephew was with me the whole flight, hugging my legs. But the image vanished when it started to leak watery substances and she admitted she brought some wet empek2 (fish cakes). She offered me some when we got off but I thanked her and said no, thinking the food was in close contact with my muddy safety shoes. Ew. 

The Guy Who Turns Off Their AC and Then Turns Off Yours Too

You know the AC on top of your head? The round ones, that every passengers get. Yes. Maybe he was cold. But the plane was really reeky at that time; and warm. But he insisted on turning off his AC. Fine. Then he turned off mine without telling me. Fine. Then he turned off the AC for other guy next to me. FINE. THEN he turned off the ones belonged to the people sitting in front AND behind us. Without telling them. NOT FINE.

The Won’t Let You Recline Your Seat Guy/Gal

Yes, they exist. Once they sensed you were reclining your seats (because you got up at 3 to catch a 6 o clock flight and you deserve some sleep); they put their arms up, held onto the seat in front of them and push with all their might like the plane is crashing. This is #1 on my passenger hate list. It happened to me several time I think. Once, I told the stewardess that the seat is broken. But when she tried to recline it she saw that it was the person behind me who held onto the seat so it won’t recline. She asked the girl to let go; but the girl behind me said “I hate having something so close to my face”. Well, I guess she doesn’t know how close fists can get.

 

So… Which one’s your favorite? Mine’s Justin Bieber.

Xs and Os,

NADO

 

Just Because…

October 27, 2012 § Leave a comment

I heart Parker Posey. So I posted this video.

“Where!! Are! You ! From!”
“Baltimore.”
“Ah!!”

A Quick Post Just Because

May 29, 2012 § Leave a comment

Yeah, let’s just start. So I ran out of soft lenses, and then I had to go to the mall so I can ask my optician for new ones. I went there by myself on a Sunday, driving.

Due to lens deprivation, I had to wear my old glasses; which is pretty inadequate in terms of vision clearness (WTF). When I got to my car, I kind of had the feeling something about my car isn’t right. But I just drove on anyway till I reached the mall.

When I got there, the security guard checked my car; and smiled, “Miss, do you need me to adjust your wipers?” He said.

That’s when I realized that my wipers were still “erect”, so to speak; because my driver just finished washing my car (yeah, yeah, erect, laugh it off).

Nice. Now they’re gonna think I stole this car from some random car wash.

So I kinda always go to the lowest basement or the highest parking level so that I can freely park my car anywhere; and more importantly near the  entrance. But this particular Sunday, as I just entered the parking lot; one car decided to come out right at the time I got in. So I pulled in and dance around. After teasing some passing cars by pretending I was going home by turning the car off and on  (hahah), I got out of the car nonchalantly, smiling at every car that passes with a look that said:

“Am I going to my car to go home? Or did I just get here? Don’t you want to follow me to find out? You could take my parking spot…”

But of course no one was fooled, as people always confuse my expression for another; like happy or sad, deep in thoughts or in pain, crying or laughing, I’m just mysterious like that.

 

For Those Who’s Not on Holiday Because The Company Where They Work Said “Um, No” to the whole “let’s have Friday off” thing

May 18, 2012 § Leave a comment

Yeah Dave!